What sits in the corner of your kitchen and grows smaller every day? ... A baby combing his hair with a potato peeler.
Tag: jokes
Remember when I told you, back in July, about the woman who sliced her own arm with my razor blades during a live show? Yeah? Guess who I ran into the other day...
Every time someone gets acupuncture, a voodoo doll somewhere screams.
I have two open-to-the-public shows this weekend, with my buddy Harville; Friday we'll be at JonEB's Bar & Grill in Champaign, Illinois, and on Saturday we'll be partying at Big Ed's Firehouse in New Hampton, Iowa. If you're in either of those areas, come on out and say hello. I'll let you touch the scabs … Continue reading Champaign, New Hampton, and scabs
I don't understand. They say, "If you love something, set it free." But then they ALSO say, "Mr. Allen, please put your pants back on." I'm confused.
A friend called me, and I could tell right away that he was distressed; something was clearly troubling this man. After asking him repeatedly what was wrong, he finally shared what was weighing so heavily on his mind: "Well… If vegetable oil comes from squishing vegetables, corn oil comes from squishing corn, and olive oil … Continue reading Stoners ask interesting questions
Kid: “Mommy, why do I keep running around in circles?” Mom: “Shut the hell up, or I’ll nail your other foot to the floor, too."
NEW HAMPTON, IOWA – Part magician, part comedian, and totally dysfunctional, Nathan Allen will be bringing his highly-caffeinated blend of magic and comedy to New Hampton, Iowa! Allen (dubbed “The Maniac of Magic” by his peers) will be making a stop at Big Ed’s Firehouse (680 W. Milwaukee St.) on Saturday, October 20th. The adult-only … Continue reading A couple of weirdos to visit New Hampton
Because it scares the hell out of the dog.